Put Your Smile On
Put your smile on . . . and leave it on! It’s finally official—masks are now optional on airplanes! When the news was announced by various airline captains while still en route, many passengers erupted with applause. If I had been among them, I would have led the cheers!
Linda and I are scheduled to be traveling again next week, and we look forward to seeing the flight attendants’ faces, smiling! We were delighted when the gyms in our community finally removed the mask requirements a few weeks ago. It suddenly seemed like everyone was in a better mood!
While masks no doubt prevented some infections, they definitely interfered with genuine connections. It’s really hard to read a face when most of the face is covered!
Stacy Cornay, the owner of “Communication Concepts,” recently wrote a timely column on the relational challenges of our time. Psychological research has classified six facial expressions that correspond to distinct universal emotions: disgust, sadness, happiness, fear, anger and surprise. Other research estimates that we can make and recognize around 250,000 facial expressions. The verbal component of our face-to-face conversations is less than 35 percent. Up to 65 percent of communication is done nonverbally.
In a Zoom call during Covid I noted that one of the seven men on screen seemed very unhappy. When I asked him about that later, he said he’s been told that he sometimes comes across as disgusted – but he’s not. He said that he just has trouble seeing the screen!
We all need to put our best face forward. When Craig Groeschel interviewed author Patrick Lencioni, Pat shared how his team gave him the feedback that certain facial expressions of his mess up communication. Pat quickly acknowledged that his wife had sometimes said the same thing. He said that his wife called it “The Face” – an expression implying he thought she was stupid.
The faces we make, make a difference! The smiling faces of family and friends warm our hearts. The angry faces we see on the news alarm and frighten us. We generally know how to interpret extreme expressions, but sometimes we struggle with subtle expressions somewhere in between. I once thought that I had seriously offended a leader in our church through a Sunday message, so much so that I called to apologize that afternoon.
Larry sat with his arms folded across his chest and seemed very stern and angry throughout the entire sermon. I was really concerned. When I called to connect, he was surprised by my concern. He went on to explain that he had deliberately cultivated a poker face so that no one would know what he was thinking. In that case, a mask would have been a definite improvement in the communication process!
Massive misunderstandings will be among the long-term impacts of the COVID crisis. The lingering damages will be not only financial and political, but relational. How many unmarried people missed the opportunity to find a mate due to masks? How many kids felt uncared for because they couldn’t see an adult smile? How many light-shining gospel opportunities were missed due to canceled lunches? How many strained relationships will never be repaired due to social distancing requirements?
When Jacob and his brother had a blow up, Jacob lived for years assuming that Esau still wanted to kill him. When the day came that their paths finally crossed, Jacob was shocked to discover that his brother was no longer his enemy, but his friend. Jacob said, “And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God.” (Genesis 33:10 – NLT)
Who needs to see your face smiling – and whose smiling face do you long to see? We were hard wired for relationships and simply cannot flourish without them. Talking on the phone or via Zoom may be good, but it’s not ideal. The men I mentor and connect with in groups are celebrating to once again be together . . . face-to-face.
The Christian faith has always been, and will always be, rooted in high-touch relationships. Those relationships must be intentionally cultivated. Even the best relationships need to be treasured and tended, and it’s always been that way!
I just finished lunch with one of my closest friends. Sheriff Joe Pelle and I have met faithfully for decades, even during Covid. Today, I closed the lunch by saying, “It’s always good to see your face smiling!” Joe laughed and said, “As I like to say, I’d rather be seen than viewed!”
My buddy and I laughed our way to the parking lot; and by God’s grace, we will see each other’s faces smiling again next month. The apostle Paul said it well, and reminded me why I always look forward to seeing my friends face-to-face! “One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you. For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.” (Romans 1:10-12 NLT).
Who needs to see your face smiling?
Grace and Peace,
Alan Ahlgrim, CSO (Chief SoulCare Officer)